Gary winced as he stretched in the mirror. It was 6am on Monday morning, and he was really excited to go out for his jog. Problem was, the ol’trusty jogging tights were showing some wear. Some serious wear, actually. He turned with his back to the mirror and dipped into a squat. Oh lawd, he said to himself, that’s a lot of ass. 

“Looking good honey.” Jen wandered into their bedroom, beautiful brown hair wound into a bun, long legs in a light grey pencil skirt. She sat on the edge of their bed in front of him, cupping her chin in her hand with a sympathetic smile playing on her lips. “Looks like the racing stripes may need to be retired.” 

He looked back into the mirror. His purple SAXX boxers could be seen through the tired spandex. Gary sighed, swinging around to sit beside Jen on the bed. “I’m not ready to give them up.” He twisted his legs this way and that, lips quirked in a small smile as his quad muscles shifted under the zebra stripes. Jen leaned into him and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. 

Plucking the fabric at his thigh, Jen bit her lip. “Well … maybe you just wear a pair of shorts over top?”

He slowly nodded. “That could work. I like that. Thanks hon.”

She smiled, giving him a big kiss. “See you tonight. Stay out of trouble.” He chuckled at her as she sashayed out of the room.

Shorts. He stood up and headed to his dresser. Shorts. He sifted through the top drawer. Where could they be? He looked up at the clock, seeing that perilous minute hand tick downward. He could feel himself shift anxiously, eager to get his day started. Okay…. He dug through the second drawer, pulling out  a pair of shorts triumphantly. Yes! …. Oh … he winced. Maybe not those ones … They were tiny purple running shorts, from back in the day when his butt was less sizable. Gary shook his head, throwing the pair onto his bed. Not those ….

At this point he was over 15 minutes late in starting his run. Frantically, he opened the bottom drawer. Pulling pair after pair of pants out onto the floor, he shook his head. Fuck it, he thought, I’m not missing this run. He looked suspiciously at the pair of little purple shorts on the bed, Well at least they match my underwear I guess …

He nodded to himself and pulled the shorts over top of his tights. Alright, he twisted around in front of the mirror, not bad. Snug, he flexed, the shorts looking like really short, snug swim trunks. And they feel fantastic! Twenty-year-old-me, eat your heart out.

He strutted out the front door, stretching his quads and readjusting his laces. He caught a couple whistles on his way and puffed out his chest. Today is a good day. He relaxed as he got into the rhythm of the thump-thump on the pavement. All right, my knee is not hurting today. Pretty great. He pumped up the speed. Yeah, I feel great.

Gary flew through his route. After twenty five minutes he looked down at his watch, bemused as he found himself back at the house. I shaved ten minutes off?! Wow. He did a little victory shimmy on the porch.  Great way to start a day.

He kicked his shoes off as he entered the apartment. Wandering over to the couch, Gary sat down and picked up the remote. Maybe I’ll get a couple hours of The Witcher in, then shower, then maybe look at some research this afternoon. As he was thinking, he cast an eye guiltily around the room. There were clean clothes dumped onto a chair in the corner and dirty clothes scattered across the floor. The kitchen island was piled with multiple days’ worth of dishes, and the sink full. Gary looked down at the remote and frowned. Jen had been working long hours since he had returned to school, and she hadn’t said a thing. The least I can do is clean the apartment for her. Maybe make a special dinner? He nodded to himself as he thought this, slowly standing to his feet. Placing the remote into the coffee table drawer where it belonged, he stood. 

Today, he would clean the house. He started with the kitchen, soaking the dishes with the remnants of dinners gone by. He felt particularly guilty about the caked-on oatmeal. She always asks me to soak the bowls, and I forget. Slowly, painstakingly, he worked his way through the mountain of dishes until at last, he gently put the sodden drying towel back on the oven handle. 

Gary then turned his focus to the living room. Flexing his biceps, he pulled the hamper from the bedroom and picked up each item of dirty clothing piece by piece. He was pleased to note that he could in fact now see a floor and immediately went to put the clothes into the washing machine. 

Gary cracked a beer and returned to the living room dragging the clean clothes chair towards him. He threw on an episode of The Witcher and began the daunting task of clothes folding. It took a full episode, but he proudly stared at an hour’s worth of folded clothing and one empty beer. Stack by stack he carefully placed his efforts in the appropriate drawer, marveling joyously at the warm fuzzies he got from a tidy space.

Gary valiantly carried on his mission, his sweaty running clothing going unnoticed as he waged war with his apartment. He passed a vacuum in the living room, swept the floors in the kitchen, and dusted all their surfaces. He replaced the bedding in their room with clean sheets, fluffed the pillows, and rearranged the closet.

Opening the windows for some fresh air, he moved to the bathroom. Without flinching, he unclogged the shower drain and killed a spider in the top corner. 30 minutes later, he stretched his back and gazed at his work. This bathroom hasn’t looked this clean in months! He smiled, Jen will be so excited! He rifled through her drawers, pulling out her favorite Roots track pants and promotional zip-up hoodie from Disneyland. As an afterthought, he carried one of their candles into the bathroom and laid out an apricot bath bomb.

He checked his watch, aghast at the time that had passed. Well, he said rubbing his neck, still about three hours before Jen gets home. Enough time for … he yawned, arching his back, a bit of a nap.

Gary lightly climbed on top of the sheets, careful to avoid upsetting his handiwork. As his eyelids drooped, he told himself, just a few minutes, and I will get right back to it…

“Hi honey.” Gary woke, startled. Jen  sat on the edge of the bed, tears in her eyes.

“Jen …” he sat up, rubbing his eyes, “What time is it?”

She bit her lip, eyes still watering. “A little after seven.”

“Damn, I’m sorry.” he rubbed his head. “I wanted to surprise you when you got home.”

A tear rolled down her cheek. “You did. Thank you so much for cleaning today. I had a tough day and this made it all better.”

He furrowed his brow. “And I’m not done yet! Just wait here!”

She laughed as he scampered into the bathroom. He lit the candle and tested the temperature of the water as he filled the bath. Once it was just right, he threw in the bath bomb. Stepping into the bedroom, he coughed quietly. “Ahem, my darling. I’ve drawn you a bath.”

Her smile filled the room, and he could feel a thankful sigh escape her lips. She wrapped her arms around his waist, her grin widening. “Well aren’t you just an everyday hero! Thank you.” Her gaze traveled down to his zebra striped tights and purple short shorts. “Though in this get-up, I suppose you would actually be a superhero.” 

Gary rolled his eyes and squeezed her tight. “This superhero would like to buy you dinner. What are you feeling?”

She pulled away and headed into the bathroom. “Mmmm, Sushi for me,” she popped her head into the bedroom, “and a shower for you.”

He laughed, shaking his head as he scrolled through Skip the Dishes. In a sing-song voice, Jen said, “Even superheroes need to shower!”

                                                                                                                       ~The End~